Helpdesk am morgen ...

Hauke Johannknecht (
Mon, 9 Nov 1998 11:31:33 +0100 (MET)

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say
the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing
the WordPerfect organization for "Unfair Dismissal".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

* "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

= "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

* "What sort of trouble?"

= "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went

* "Went away?"

= "They disappeared."

* "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

= "Nothing."

* "Nothing?"

= "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

* "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

= "How do I tell?"

* "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

= "What's a sea-prompt?"

* "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

= "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I

* "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

= "What's a monitor?"

* "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
   have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

= "I don't know."

* "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
   cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

= "Yes, I think so."

* "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
   the wall."

= ".......Yes, it is."

* "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
   cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

= "No."

* "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
   other cable."

= "....... Okay, here it is."

* "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
   of your computer."

= "I can't reach."

* "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

= "No."

* "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

= "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because
 it's dark."

* "Dark?"

= "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming
   in from the window."

* "Well, turn on the office light then."

= "I can't."

* "No? Why not?"

= "Because there's a power cut."

* "A power... A power cut? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
  still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came

= "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

* "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like
   it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it

= "Really? Is it that bad?"

* "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

= "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

* "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."

This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Mon Nov 09 1998 - 11:20:44 CET