Andreas Kotes (count@linux.de)
Mon, 19 Oct 1998 18:11:50 +0200 (MEST)
Hi,
wollte Euch folgendes Posting nicht vorenthalten, nachdem ich schon auf
dem Tisch gelegen habe.
Gruss,
der Count
>>>> >1998 DARWIN AWARDS
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >They have finally been released! The 1998 DARWIN AWARDS!!!
>>>> >
>>>> >For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor
>>>> >given to the person who provided the universal human gene pool the
>>>> >biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid
>>>> >way. As always, competition this year has been keen again. Some
>>>> >candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event.
>>>> >Entries this year have not had the elan of some previous ones, but
>>>> >are a worthy catalogue of stupidity, incompetence and bad luck.
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> > DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >1. In September, in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
>>>> >drowned
>>>> > in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
>>>> > 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
>>>> >
>>>> >2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
>>>> >"totally
>>>> > zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged
>>>> > off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
>>>> >
>>>> >3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he
>>>> >had
>>>> > dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said
>>>> > Daniel Jones, 21 dug the hole for fun, or protection from the
>>>> > wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom
>>>> > Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet
>>>> > of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their
>>>> > hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident
>>>> > of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue
>>>> > workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
>>>> > about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
>>>> > hospital.
>>>> >
>>>> >4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
>>>> >he
>>>> > fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
>>>> > robbing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
>>>> > in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of
>>>> > his skull as he hit the floor.
>>>> >
>>>> >5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena,
>>>> >20,
>>>> > was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman,
>>>> > 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the
>>>> > flak vest Berrena was wearing.
>>>> >
>>>> >6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in February in
>>>> >Selbyville,
>>>> > Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
>>>> > revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
>>>> > trigger.
>>>> >
>>>> >7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
>>>> >Kolta,
>>>> > 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
>>>> > earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with
>>>> > their snowmobiles.
>>>> >
>>>> >8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff
>>>> >near
>>>> > Ozark, Ark , after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that
>>>> > marked the spot where another person had fallen to his death in
>>>> > 1990.
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> > DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >1. In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
>>>> >millipede
>>>> > with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted
>>>> > off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the
>>>> > head, fracturing his skull.
>>>> >
>>>> >2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
>>>> >out
>>>> > cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
>>>> > propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
>>>> > floors of his house.
>>>> >
>>>> >3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
>>>> > September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a
>>>> > quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While
>>>> > driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and
>>>> > tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
>>>> > they apparently failed to notice that the window was closed.
>>>> >
>>>> >4. Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
>>>> > festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting.
>>>> > This year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were
>>>> > injured, including one gored in the head and one Bobbittized.
>>>> > Said one participant, "It's just one bull against [a town of] a
>>>> > thousand Morons."
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> > SOME MORE ALSO RANS
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> >1. Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre
>>>> >accidents.
>>>> > Jerry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying
>>>> > masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash
>>>> > and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran
>>>> > suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers
>>>> > of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped
>>>> > her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition to a
>>>> > good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not
>>>> > sure why I did it," she said later "I was really close to the
>>>> > car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't
>>>> > have been for more than two seconds". However, cab driver Vegas
>>>> > did see and lost control of his cab, running over the curb and
>>>> > into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building. Inside,
>>>> > Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The
>>>> > crash of the cab against the building making her jump, tearing
>>>> > Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down,
>>>> > severing two fingers from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was
>>>> > caused by a falling piece of the medical building.
>>>> >
>>>> >2. TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating
>>>> > three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she
>>>> > had to draw a picture describing how she believed she had
>>>> > poisoned herself. A translator arrived shortly thereafter and
>>>> > confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie Valishnokov thought the
>>>> > inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read the
>>>> > foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized something was
>>>> > wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill with a
>>>> > sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a
>>>> > few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from
>>>> > her mouth, throat, and stomach with no ill effects.
>>>> >
>>>> >3. La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a
>>>> > trauma center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum.
>>>> > "My dog drags the thing all over the house," he said later. "He
>>>> > must have dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile,
>>>> > tripped against the dog and sat down right on the thing." The
>>>> > extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that the
>>>> > cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. "He
>>>> > was a real trooper during the entire episode," said Dr. Dennis
>>>> > Crobe. "Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying
>>>> > himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and
>>>> > each time, he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on
>>>> > the floor. By the time he finished, we really did expect to find
>>>> > an answering machine in there".
>>>> >
>>>> >4. TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several
>>>> >friends
>>>> > when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
>>>> > from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The
>>>> > conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
>>>> > the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the
>>>> > midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought
>>>> > bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
>>>> > and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One
>>>> > end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other
>>>> > end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
>>>> > cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
>>>> > miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was
>>>> > rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham,
>>>> > "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just
>>>> > no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
>>>> >
>>>> >5. BREMERTON, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily, were
>>>> > engaging in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading
>>>> > peanut butter on his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish
>>>> > Setter, lick them clean. Sadly, Rudy lost control and began
>>>> > tearing at Christopher's penis and testicles. Rudy refused to
>>>> > obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of
>>>> > perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and
>>>> > Christopher with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing
>>>> > away the penis. While trying to get her unconscious husband in
>>>> > the car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell twice, injuring
>>>> > her wrist and ankle. Christopher's penis was in a Styrofoam ice
>>>> > cooler. "Chris is just plain lucky," said the surgeon who spent
>>>> > eight hours reattaching the penis. "Believe it or not, the
>>>> > perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high alcohol
>>>> > content, which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped
>>>> > sterilize the wound. Also, aside from it being removed, the
>>>> > damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is minimal.
>>>> > It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter stands an
>>>> > excellent chance of regaining the use of his limb because of
>>>> > this." Washington Animal Control has no plans to seize Rudy.
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> > AND, THE WINNER IS:
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> > PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich
>>>> > Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal
>>>> > laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs, and prunes
>>>> > before
>>>> the
>>>> > plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and suffocated the keeper
>>>> > under 200 pounds of excrement. Investigators say ill-fated
>>>> > Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
>>>> > olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a
>>>> > dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's
>>>> > unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where
>>>> > he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
>>>> > continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said
>>>> > flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one
>>>> > there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an
>>>> > hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he
>>>> > suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak accidents
>>>> > that happen."*
>>>> >
>>>>
>>
>
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Mon Oct 19 1998 - 18:14:13 CEST