Date: Tue, 5 May 1998 01:10:38 +0200 (MET DST)
From: Hauke Johannknecht <ash@ash.de>
To: LinuxGer Mailingliste <linux-ger@infodrom.north.de>,
Subject: Huehner
Message-ID: <Pine.LNX.3.96.980505010942.1184A-100000@mdma.ash.de>
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:
To get to the other side.
PLATO:
For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY:
Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN:
I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES:
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING:
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the
newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its
physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using
the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use
its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to
align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of
its
overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen
Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and
best
chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the
transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings
in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit
and
explicit,
and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve
the implicit goals in delivering and successfully architecting and
implementing and enterprise-wide value framework across the
continuum
of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a
park-like
setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent,
clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's
mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the
creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken "crossed"
the
black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
MOSES:
And God came down from the Heavens, and he said unto the chickens,
"Thou shalt cross the road". And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
chickens
have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT
cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crosses the road. Who cares why? The
end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross the road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever
think
to ask, what the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over
the place, anyway?
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not
only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your check book.
OLIVER STONE:
The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather,
it
is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked
in
our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected
in
such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross the
roads.
EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the
chicken depends on your frame of reference.
BUDDHA:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
The chicken did not cross the road....it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
HUI-NENG
There has never been a road, how could there be a chicken to cross
it?
PRAJNAPARAMITA
There is no crossing of the road, that is why it is called the
supreme "crossing the road."
NAGARJUNA
There is not the slightest difference between crossing the road and
not crossing the road. There is not the slightest difference
between not crossing the road and crossing the road.
CHI-I
The subtle crossing of the road is neither a horizontal nor a
vertical relationship. It can neither be grapsed nor comprehended.
That is why it is called subtle.