[token@altair.mayn.de: [unix] FW: This year's Darwin Award Winner (fwd)]

Thomas Koehler (thomas@wi3d01.informatik.uni-wuerzburg.de)
Fri, 21 Nov 1997 09:47:33 +0100

Message-Id: <19971121094733.56642@willkuere.informatik.uni-wuerzburg.de>
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 1997 09:47:33 +0100
From: Thomas Koehler <thomas@wi3d01.informatik.uni-wuerzburg.de>
To: linux-ger@infodrom.north.de
Subject: [token@altair.mayn.de: [unix] FW: This year's Darwin Award Winner (fwd)]

-----Forwarded message from Matthias Buelow <token@altair.mayn.de>-----


----- Forwarded message from Alex Le Heux -----
From: Alex Le Heux <Alexlh@WebNet.nl>

-----Original Message-----
From: bigmac@xs4all.nl [SMTP:bigmac@xs4all.nl]
Sent: Friday, November 14, 1997 12:35
To: joke@webnet.nl
Subject: This year's Darwin Award Winner

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year=20
Upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded
self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from
human gene pool.

Last year's (maybe two years ago) winner was the fellow who was killed
he attached a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) unit to his Chevy Impala and
promptly shot himself at 500 kph into the side of a desert cliff.=20

And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):=20

John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington,
decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at
Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the
parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy
enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.=20

The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan
was for John --100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist
friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30-foot drop
the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found
crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch
which snagged him by his shorts.

Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down and saw a
group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall,
removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
himself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into Holly
bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now being without
his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating
rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocket knife proceeded to fall
with him and landed three inches into his left thigh.=20

Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw
a rope and pull him to safety. However, weighing about 100 pounds less,
decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickup
truck. This is when things went from bad to worse. In his drunken state,
Sal put the truck into the wrong gear, pressed on the gas, and crashed
through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was thrown
the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and also died at the

Police arrived to find a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet
the vehicle and upon moving the truck, a half naked man, with numerous
scratches, a holly stick up his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and a pair
shorts dangling from the tree branches 25 feet in the air.=20

And now, the runners-up:


Pillsbury Dough Boy Wanted for Attempted Murder. [AP, Arkansas] A woman
named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while
there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in
it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping.=20
When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands
behind her head but with her eyes open. The woman looked very strange,
Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you okay?" The woman answered=20
"I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in." Linda
know what to do; so she ran into the store where store officials called
paramedics. They had to break into the car because the door was locked.
When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back
her head and in her hands. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded,
apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that
of a
gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find what it
was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out
fright at first, then attempted to hold her brains in!=20

[AP, Mammoth Lakes, CA] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a=20
lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope
a foam pad. Authorities said Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced=20
dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m.,
Mono County Sheriff's Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently
hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam
Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the
towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope
Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the
he hit was the one with its pad removed.=20

[AP, St. Louis, MO] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly
in a
St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo
grabbed a
hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it.
Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed
six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.=20


[UPI, Spain] To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above
on an overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell on him.


Man's Loses Face at Party
[Associated Press, Kincaid, W. VA] A man at a party popped a blasting
into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24,
Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday
said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a
battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't go off
this guy said, "I'll show you how to set it off." "He put it in his
and bit down. It blew all his teeth off, his tongue and his lips," Payne
said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
facial injuries, according to a spokesman at Charleston Area Medical
Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne


[UPI, Portland, OR] Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said
Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is
to be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts,
lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's
club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore. A friend tried to
a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right eye.
said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel
would have cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr.
Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow
through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at the rear=20
of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels.
also said had Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely
have killed himself.Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had
drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No
charges have been filed but the Josephine County district attorney's
said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

----- End of forwarded message from Alex Le Heux -----

--token * Boycott Micro$oft, see http://www.vcnet.com/bms/ *

-----End of forwarded message-----

-- Thomas K=F6hler Email: jean-luc@picard.franken.de (Home)
<>< jean-luc@mayn.de (Work)
IRC: jeanluc Channels: #star_trek #linuxger #ixthys #knf
WWW: http://home.pages.de/~jeanluc/

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